I’m spending my copious free time at work this morning surfing through old hockey videos and reading news stories while sitting outside of my State Managers office…kind of like career chicken.  It fun to see how quickly I can change screens to something “work like” before he can refocus his eyes on my laptop screen.  I guess he can’t bitch though, one of the videos I watched this morning, was sent by him so just gonna put that ammo in my pocket and wait. So here’s my take on some of the news I read…

      Did you see these lazy FLID ass clowns?  They are smart enough to come up with a plan to get someone else to take their SATs for them, but totally dumb enough to get caught.   For those of you wondering what a FLID is: My college hockey coach used this all the time to refer to people from Long Island as FLIDs = Fucking Long Island Dick.  I digress…6…yes SIX students paid a college student between $1,500 and $2,500 a pop to take the exam…Sam Eshagoff took exams for 6 students. There was a 7th student, who did not get charges levied because Sam didn’t make her pay…wonder what she gobbled in lieu of payment?  Hey if you can’t work your way to the top…I guess try buying or fucking your way there.

      A British man got parts of both his legs bitten off by a Great White Shark while swimming off a beach in South Africa after ignoring warning of sharks in the water…Darwin missed him by that much!

      DEAR. GOD. MAKE. IT. STOP.  Nancy Grace’s nipple slip was a Wardrobe mishap that kept people all over this world from eating…I just got my appetite back this morning when I read she defended herself by producing the pasties she had on…Thanks Nancy Grace…I now will go another day purging everything I eat.

      At the Albany International Airport (dubbed “international” due to the flock of geese that take off for Toronto daily) they found a Montana woman with a loaded handgun concealed in her purse.  She got halfway across the country with it in her purse before being caught….TSA fail or 2nd amendment win?  Did she not realize they check for this shit?  Nope.  She “forgot” she was carrying a loaded handgun…fucking retard.

      On a lighter note a Man in Florida dressed up like an ice cream cone to promote business for his friend’s ice cream shop, but people mistook the man wearing a Vanilla swirl cone topped with colorful sprinkles for a KKK protestor…yeah apparently a REALLY flamboyant KKK member….they have those right?

      A woman was injured in DC’s General Services Building when the toilet she was sitting on was exploded due to back pressure…told you the shit was deeeeeep in DC…no word on the woman’s condition after her shitty day (bad joke drum roll)

      After 4 years of fighting to “prove” Retired U.S. Army Sgt. Maj. Rob Dickerson was in fact injured by a rocket attack in Iraq, he received his purple heart…and the COD Bill for $21…Oh!  You served abroad?  Fuck you, pay me!

      After waiting outside a Taco Bell in Ga., a man grabbed a women walking out and handcuffed himself to her.  His reason: He’d been trying to get her to go out with him for a while and she had been refusing….hey future rapist, you are doing it wrong!

      Thanks again for reading…