Archive for October, 2011


Last week I wrote about news because, well I had no work to do.  This week, I finally got work to do and now I am done….again.  So I figured I will delve in to a few more news stories I read today.  There are some real jackasses on this planet and sometimes I kinda feel like this:

Without further ado…your news:

  • MSN released a cheery list of  nine jobs we will lose to robots one day. Among them Lawyers (have fun paying that leftover school loan when Johnny-5 is taking your Partner promotion or arguing why someone shouldn’t be allowed to have a child), Babysitter (Jetson’s here we come), Reporters (No more opinions from the brain, just straight news)
  • Herbert Chavez, 35, of the Philipines had surgeries to make himself look like Superman, with surgeries dating back to 1995.  Couldn’t you have just tried to fly off a 20 story building and saved us all the time in our lives it took to read that article?
  • Florida Law makers are looking to repeal “Dwarf Tossing” Laws…I will not be visiting Florida any time soon I guess.  The main reasoning…its better that they can be tossed then go Jobless….

  • In New Castle, Pa, some gentleman have been held on account of theft…OF A BRIDGE!  This fucker was 50 feet long  and done over a period of time.  Apparently there is too many other crimes in New Castle for Barney Fife to notice a missing 50 foot bridge.
  • In East Yorkshire, England, the classroom children are no longer allowed to raise their hand in class to ask questions.  Why you say? It will lead to a calmer classroom (please refer to picture above).  What must they do instead?  Give the ole Fonz ‘thumbs up’ as demonstrated below by the master himself:

  • And not to be outdone, at a Chili contest in Edinburgh, Scotland 2 contestants were hospitalized after eating the “nuclear chili” option.  10 of the 20 contests dropped out after “witnessing the first 10 diners vomiting, collapsing, sweating and panting. “

Enjoy your weekend.

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I have been staring at this blank screen for the past hourI can find a million ways to avoid writing something but I can’t think of anything to write.  I guess this is something we all go through, but I have only 8 god damn posts…premature blog-asm?  I already blew my load I guess.

I have been in this conversation with another blogger about life in general…its what sparked my touchy feely rant.  Now, I am totally confused.  I thought I was clear headed…I know what I want, I know what I wanna feel like.  I know where I wanna be…but what if I am not wanted there?  What if what I wanna feel like isn’t what I am supposed to feel like?  What if I have been tricking myself into thinking what it is…is not what it is at all? 

Some books can be easily read, for fun not a moral, and you can enjoy the ride it takes you on and the grip it has on you.   The question I am trying to answer is do I continue to read this book I am reading until I am so bored of it that I resent the book itself? Do I get a magazine for a quick read to take my mind off the tough read?  Or do I wait on this book I have been waiting to be published????

     I have no idea what to write about this morning…it could be due to my 5 hours of sleep last night, or  my needy dog trying to tell me I need to play with her more by dropping a toy on my head…at 2 am.  Either way I am exhausted to the hilt.   I had a productive day yesterday though.  Started out down and out and ready to give up on my goals, needs, wants and all that happy horse shit but I decided to go for a run to clear my head.  I needed it bad.  I got to thinking about all the reasons I can’t meet my goal and that I was deluding myself into trying to achieve them.   Then I told myself to man the fuck up and take control of the sitch. 

      I found that if I focused on how I will feel when I accomplish my goal, and how proud I will be when I tell people what I have achieved, I found the negative melting away, the pain was much easier to swallow and the goal was that much closer to being achieved.  I need to surround myself with positive people and thoughts and positive shit will happen.  I just want to be happy and have something to be proud of. 

      I apologize for this not being my usual spunky self but I needed to get heavy shit off my chest.  While I am on the happy touchy feely shit, I want to thank everyone who has been reading…I am not sure if it’s my one friend checking it out 10 times a day, plus some random internet misclicks or if my slop is actually being read.  If you read, leave me a message and let me know if its good and you want more ranting irrational writing, or if its bad and you are just passing through.  I just don’t wanna waste anyone’s time….

For your moment of Zen check out the video of Sarah Churman at Huffington Post..a 29 year old woman that heard her voice for the first time.

      I forgot I wanted to tell you about my instigating self this weekend and forgot to….

      So t his weekend I successfully:

  • Got punch by a woman I didn’t know and hadn’t yet spoken to directly – Mentioned this Saturday but never expounded
  • Instigated public urination
  • Planted the seeds of a successful theft.

      The punch came from me being mean to an unfortunately dressed woman.  She had crocheted Ugg boots that were not buttoned up and flopped over, she had tights that were too short, a sweater dress that was too long, and gold bag that set off the outfit perfectly.  I said she’s fucked up looking but I’d still do her…my wife and friends laughed, a woman behind me threw an angry jab into my ribs.  I spun around and her man-friend looked freaked out…I shook her hand, told her I was impressed, then realized she was cross-eyed HAMMERED. I found out she was an OBGYN and liked to look at vaginas.  We have SO much in common.

      The parking lot next to the Irish bar had a car left over from the night before and they decided to block it in with the Port-a-potties.    The owner must have been scared shitless for his car’s safety.  I was in line waiting for a pee, and a guy behind me says to his friend:

Him: “Dude I wanna piss on that car.”

Me: “Why on the car?  Why not IN the gas tank?”

His friend: “DUDE totally”

Him: “We can’t.  The gas tanks open from the inside.”

Me: “Not on the Chrysler 300” …Pushing the gas tank door open…

Him & his friend: “We’re in…” …then they were

Me:  🙂

      My friend and his hammered DD, were standing next to the boot chugging booth, when the two frat boy douche bags in lederhosen were putting a bullhorn in my ear drum and screaming at me for not wanting to chug “das boot”.  After 10 minutes of this irritating behavior, their attention was grabbed by some skank-a-licious frat girls severely underdressed for the weather.   So I looked and my two drunk friends and said “someone should teach them a lesson by stealing the boot”.  And it was done.  The Drunks were off faster than a prom dress and 3 minutes later, lederhosen douche realized it was gone and ran after them in his German knickers…the drunks made it out safe.   Well played boys….

3 more reasons to add to my list of reasons why I am on the short track to hell…

      The post Oktoberfest weekend was a letdown of sorts.  I spent the day digging holes in the mud and finding out the ass mongrel that owned the house before me successfully hid another cob job.  The drain outside my backdoor floods the basement so I decided to dig it up and try and fix it.  He said he had connected it to the sewer…and by sewer he must have meant 2 feet inside the retaining wall.  The drain stopped against a buried 3 foot wall, and that is why we flood.   In the process of repairing I learned: you can easily bend a saber saw blade on PVC; I can put a flat head bit through my finger tip; and that Dexter is a fucking amazing show.

      OK so learning about Dexter was more of a “after project” realization, but all the same  I love that show.  It’s on HBO and if you haven’t seen it, I recommend it.   Dexter is a blood spatter expert with Miami PD…and a serial killer, killer.   He kills the criminals that the cops don’t catch.  Pretty sweet, but his inner monologue is the best part of the show.

     I run about a 9 minute mile right now, and I need to be down to around an 8 minute mile in 4 weeks.  I am embarking on a 4 week plan of:

  • Monday: Time trial (run as fast as I can for the mile and a half to see my time)
  • Tuesday: Swim interval laps
  • Wednesday: Run intervals
  • Thursday: Bike
  • Friday: Run intervals
  • Saturday and Sunday – Vomit for two days straight…

      I am training for something, and I haven’t made it 100% public yet but I hope to meet my goal so I can make it totally public.   In interest of my need to ramble today I have decided I hate my job with a major passion.  There is 1 person here I like talking to and that is it.  I feel unaccomplished.  Like I am doing nothing good with my career, not making a difference and all that jazz. 

      A needed change is on the horizon and I am, for once, in complete control of the situation…Good feeling.

 I spent the day working my part time job in the morning and going to Oktoberfest in Downtown Albany.   They closed off a few blocks and my inner German comes out…without the tiny little mustache and very angry screaming.  I am almost totally Irish, but today I enjoyed my tiny bit of German heritage with Liters of beer but my Irish heritage was celebrated by the pub across the street…Got a good picture of the American, Irish and German flag flying proudly downtown… 

Me: Oktoberfest. Meg: Franzikaner

 

All of me under one small sky

They had some cool shit coupled with people who most likely do not look in the mirror before they leave the house…I passed so many comments about one girl that a woman overheard me and punched me in the arm for being mean.  Then we had a drink together and laughed about her ridiculous boots and Gold Satchel.   They had a lot to do as I had said: A unicycle riding  fire juggler(not sure just HOW ethnically accurate that is), Betty’s Cupcake Double Decker bus (the 2nd floor was all seating to eat) and wiener dog races

AWESOME

Those shoes are the hot shit in this picture

 

 

Guinness. Fucking, Cupcakes.

 The two people in this picture were very unhappy with me…apparently yelling “GO WIENERDOG!!!” in their ear is somehow rude and frowned upon in their establishment.  The guy was a dick…he was like 30 but it looked like time raped his face and took from it all that was young.  His female friend was such a bitch too.  Asked me why the fuck I was taking pictures.  I basically said it was for the local paper and she bought it.  Stupid bitch…yep all serious reporters snap Pulitzer winners with their 3 year old Blackberry…retard.   All in all the races are cute but I know what it’s like to have to run on such stubby legs.   Fuckers made it look easy.

I feel their pain