Well here it is, the long awaited sequal to my post yesterday…I know all 8 people that viewed my bog yesterday are DYING to read this, but please keep in mind sequels rarely live up to expectations…Grease 2, Val Kilmer as Batman, George Bush’s 2nd term…

             I’m working from home this morning so bear with my inability to tear myself away from Maury Povich’s Baby daddy testing to keep my thoughts flowing together, but paying attention is not my strong suit:

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.   Apparently being alive during a good chunk of the computer’s life on Earth has not helped most adults realize that even though we have taken computers from hardware that fills up a bunker to an iPad, they still can ONLY do what you tell them to.  Artificial Intelligence will never trump Natural Stupidity.  If you open a document, and you press the space bar at any time, YOU MADE A CHANGE!  If it is not on the original document then it’s different, even if you add a space and then delete it…to us higher life forms the finished product isn’t changed, however the work product has changed dipshit.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. Hell-to-the-mother-fucking-yes.  I have numbers in my phone who are in there as DO NOT ANSWER.  I am really bad about talking on the phone…I absolutely hate it but for some people I do it (I am addicted to texting though).   If I don’t answer your call EVER or I don’t return your call or text you back you should be getting the hint, Einstein.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.  Yeah the quick heating of a light bulb combined with the deep freeze of a freezer would add tasty morsels of glass shards to your frozen goods.  Physics and chemistry people…I know you slept through those classes or slept with someone to pass the classes in High school, then avoided them altogether in College…but they still apply.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. Agreed…plus it’s more practical to woo her pants off with and $18 case then a $500 ring.  I means guys are stupid but we do try to take the path of least resistance…plus get her drunk and the next morning when she regrets it  and she will regret it (easy there, I forgot you were a model) , you are out $1.20 in recyclables and not a ring.  Shit, work smarter…not harder.  Women you need to remember we have 2 heads and only enough blood to run one at a time.  Though on this topic, Kisses may not being with Kay, but I know a lot of screw sessions do.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.  Sorry your Beamer SUV sticks out like a Tranny with a 5 o’clock shadow in these neighborhoods but I promise that feeling of guilt when looking at a those poor unfortunate Kia owners will go away.  Every once in a while we have to go through uncomfortable things and this is just another avoidance of the uncomfortable things in life.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.  That’s natural.  We all have that issue down to the last person.  It’s what you do with that split second decision that defines you.  You see you can go grab that bag of chips and leave crumbs in the aptly named lazy chair then toss the bag on the table next to you and nap…OR you can grab a spoonful of peanut butter (…or you can give a BJ totally up to you…protein cures the hunger/boredom thing) and go about your business like cleaning or going for the walk I mentioned in my last post.  See it all comes full circle.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? I go with about 3, after that if another adult can’t get the marbles out of their mouth and speak to you like a person, then what they have to say probably impact your life goals anyways.  You can ignore people, it’s ok.  I just try avoiding ignoring my wife because it costs me money every God damn time.

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! Holy shit I hope there is a certain circle deep in Hell for the assholes that see traffic and drive up to squeeze in further up the line…FUCK YOU I waited in this line to get where I am, so can you.  I propose all 8 people that have read this blog to pledge to keep assholes like this from cutting in…Spread the word, we need this to happen or more Highway gun murders are going to happen.  FACT 
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.   Contrary to lazy ass beliefs, pants do, in fact, get dirty. Cornell just finished a study on this and there is proof.  Have I been guilty of wearing pants 2 days in a row?  Only every week…however, when your own swamp ass starts to get Spanish Moss and Gators, it may be time to pull the old switcher-oo. 

22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  Senility is a bitch..do you know what time it is?

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. Because that fucker wakes me up…I don’t like to be woken up.  Lets extrapolate this argument a  bit though, for funsies…All people can find their keys in their pocket, look at their faces while looking…they are playing pocket pool…2 ball corner pocket  AHHHHH.  Trouble finding a cell phone?  Call it; oh you left it on silent?  Jackass …you deserve to lose it.  You know what solves that?  Go buy a new phone, because as SOON as the return period is over for the new one, you’ll find the old one…problem solved.  If any asshole wakes me up playing pin the tail on the Donkey,  I will end them by playing pin the tail on their Jugular.

      Thanks for listening…Comment…it makes my frown flatten out.

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